I dated a racist bully

I dated a racist bully.

He didn’t walk up to me, stick out his hand and say,

“Hi, my name is ____, and I’m a racist bully who thinks everyone who doesn’t look like me, think like me, and worship like me is wrong and should be killed, damned to Hell, or at least sent to the other side of the planet.”

No. This is not how he introduced himself to me.

He seduced/introduced himself to me with his good looks, wicked sense of humor, and powerful stride that charmed the pants off me while taking my breath away.

It wasn’t until I was locked and loaded (in love) that I discovered he was proud to be associated with the KKK.

I remember how his body would shake when we would see a black man walking by us on the street. He would say hateful things under his breath, but he was the one shaking…he was the one who was scared.


Yes. This tall, dark, handsome, privileged, Caucasian, Christian man/boy was the one who felt like the scared little bunny rabbit in the woods, looking up furtively at a huge slobbering grizzly bear.

His fear (terror) justified his bigotry and hatred.

He felt like the victim.

It never occurred to him that the black man he was passing in the street was the one terrified of him (and for good reason).

This walk down memory lane to my impressionable teenager dating years was triggered when I received a puzzling response last Saturday from a Facebook friend. She took issue with a photo I posted from the Woman’s March that read:

Why I March…
*    Women’s rights are human rights
*    Black lives matter
*    Muslims ≠ Terrorism
*    No human is illegal
*    I stand with LGBTQ rights
*    My religion is love
*    Kindness is everything

My ‘friend’ asked accusatorily,

What about the White Christians?

My reply:

What about the White Christians?

White Christians don’t need a march.
White Christians already have a place at the table and red-carpet invitation to the party.
In fact, the party is for them…and has always been for them.

I marched for the ones who had not been invited to the party.
I marched for the ones who had never been invited to the party.
I marched for the ones who- if they showed up at the party would (at best) be escorted out through the back door and sternly advised not to bother showing up again…for if they did, they’d be forced to pay the price for daring to assume they had the same rights as White Christians.

So, no, it didn’t occur to me to march for the White Christians of the world-even though I technically am one of them (although my “Christianity” is of, what I’m sure, a far more liberal variety than yours).

I love the bumper sticker, “WWJD? (What would Jesus do?)

I think about this a lot. And when I think about it I would imagine Jesus (the one I pray to) would have joined the march-or maybe would have led it. And when it was over he would have washed the feet of the people who had been bullied for far too long by bullies who thought they were victims of people who look differently than them.

But, I digress. You asked about Christians, not Jesus.

I believe there can be quite a difference between the two-I mean, Jesus wasn’t technically a Christian, just like Buddha wasn’t technically a Buddhist, nor was Mohamad technically a Muslim.

These religions were created like a well-meaning game of Telephone-an attempt to interpret the original words and sentiments of the one who started the conversation. In the game of Telephone things get lost in translation. Kind of like when I attempt to use my text to speech option on my cell phone and Siri completely misconstrues my intent:

‘…Hello sweetie pie! It was nice to see you too, Goddess’


‘hello Sweet butt nice seaman two Got tits,’


I’m glad I checked the text before sending! It might have caused some serious confusion!

If the Jesus I pray to was at the Women’s March he would have carried a sign that read,

‘Love thy neighbor as thyself-even if their skin color, belief system, religion, or opinion on female reproductive rights is different than thy own.’


‘Forgive the bullies, Father, for they know not what they do…for they are under the false belief they are the victims… like the ones, back in the day, who felt so threatened by me, they felt the need to crucify me because I dared to teach kindness, tolerance, love, and forgiveness.’

Ok, that would have been waaaay too long of a sign…maybe a scroll…but not a sign.


Ok, back to dreams…I am Doctor Dream, after all. In dream work we are taught (nod to Carl Jung) to see everyone and everything as if it were us (or at least an aspect of ourselves). Which means that this whole conversation is a nudge for me (thank you) to look more deeply into the mirror- to face and embrace the protest march within myself that consists of my own inner bully, victim, and White Christian. May the healing and alchemy that happens within, have its effects in the world without.


Thanks for the nudge.


Since posting this yesterday (Sunday) I’ve received an avalanche of supportive comments…and a handful of scathing ones, one lovely person calling me a “Hellbound Witch.”

Unfortunately, I learned how to delete comments yesterday-because I knee-jerk deleted a couple from people saying things like, “I hope you feel glad about all the blood on your hands from the souls of the unborn children that have died because of you and your beliefs!”

Wow… spew much?

I wish I’d kept them up for you to see (because you may not believe someone could respond like that…or maybe you can).

I think I’ll keep all comments on my page…I do support free speech and all….even if that speech is drenched in ignorance.

I did, however, respond by quoting Mother Theresa’s Anyway poem:

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.  Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.  Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.  Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.  Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.  Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.  Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten.  Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.  Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.  It was never between you and them anyway.

~Mother Teresa


The last thing I’ll say about this litany is this conversation is this banter back and forth from another friend:

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